Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Are We in Shangri-La Yet?
The Bend-is-Paradise myth takes many peculiar forms. One of them is that some Bendoids apparently believe living in Bend will make people live longer. The other day I heard an acquaintance remark, "Seventy is young in Bend."
Is it really? Is Bend a Shangri La-in-the-Cascades where 70-year-olds are mere adolescents and 200-year-olds are common? Well, let's look at the numbers.
Figures on life expectancy specifically for Bend are hard to come by. However, the extremely valuable source city-data.com has a table listing the 10 most common last names of deceased persons in Bend and their ages when they died. Averaging them out yields a life expectancy of 76.3 years.
The average life expectancy for the United States is 78.6 years; the average life expectancy for Oregon is 79 years. Measured against those numbers, Bend doesn't stack up very well -- despite its clean air and vaunted "healthy outdoor lifestyle."
What places do stack up well? The Top10 11 states for life expectancy, in descending order, are Hawaii, Minnesota, California, New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Utah, and Colorado, Arizona and South Dakota (tied at 79.9 years).
What do those states have in common? Most of them have relatively high levels of education and income. High levels of education and income correlate with access to good medical care, and good medical care indisputably extends life expectancy.
So Bend has no magic elixir for extending life. And if you hope to hit the century mark before you check out, here's my advice: Don't move to Bend -- move to a place where there are good doctors and you can earn enough money to pay them.
Is it really? Is Bend a Shangri La-in-the-Cascades where 70-year-olds are mere adolescents and 200-year-olds are common? Well, let's look at the numbers.
Figures on life expectancy specifically for Bend are hard to come by. However, the extremely valuable source city-data.com has a table listing the 10 most common last names of deceased persons in Bend and their ages when they died. Averaging them out yields a life expectancy of 76.3 years.
The average life expectancy for the United States is 78.6 years; the average life expectancy for Oregon is 79 years. Measured against those numbers, Bend doesn't stack up very well -- despite its clean air and vaunted "healthy outdoor lifestyle."
What places do stack up well? The Top
What do those states have in common? Most of them have relatively high levels of education and income. High levels of education and income correlate with access to good medical care, and good medical care indisputably extends life expectancy.
So Bend has no magic elixir for extending life. And if you hope to hit the century mark before you check out, here's my advice: Don't move to Bend -- move to a place where there are good doctors and you can earn enough money to pay them.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Understanding Bend's Sucktacular Climate: The Two-Month Rule
It's June 4, and in Bend the temperature is 54 degrees and it's drizzling. The visitors from California and other points south and east are wandering around in their shorts, T-shirts and sandals, looking dazed and confused.
Understanding Bend's suckalicious weather actually is pretty easy once you master a few basic facts:
As a rule of thumb, generally the weather in Bend during the (so-called) spring and summer months is pretty consistently two months behind the weather in places with a more normal climate. The following is a handy guide for those planning a trip or (god forbid!) a move to Bend. Feel free to print it out and save it:
January in Bend is like January in other places.
February is like February.
March is like February.
April is like March.
May is like March.
June is like April.
July is like May.
August is like June.
September is like September (if we're lucky).
October is like September (if we're lucky).
November is like November.
December is like December.
Understanding Bend's suckalicious weather actually is pretty easy once you master a few basic facts:
- Bend is in the Pacific Northwest, which means that (even though it's in the "rain shadow" of the Cascades) it's likely to be cloudy.
- Bend is at 3,600 feet altitude and 44 degrees north latitude, which means it will be cold.
- Bend is next to a mountain range, which means the weather will be erratic -- sunny one minute, cloudy the next; 80 degrees one day, 40 the next.
As a rule of thumb, generally the weather in Bend during the (so-called) spring and summer months is pretty consistently two months behind the weather in places with a more normal climate. The following is a handy guide for those planning a trip or (god forbid!) a move to Bend. Feel free to print it out and save it:
January in Bend is like January in other places.
February is like February.
March is like February.
April is like March.
May is like March.
June is like April.
July is like May.
August is like June.
September is like September (if we're lucky).
October is like September (if we're lucky).
November is like November.
December is like December.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Well, This Is Rather Embarrassing
I have never claimed to be mathematically competent, so I won't offer any excuses for not realizing that with the end of April, the year's temperature record-keeping has been completed and the YTD totals that I posted are, in fact, the totals for the complete year of May 2011 through April 2012.
To recap:
Totals for Year:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189
That's a pretty damn dismal performance, especially considering that practically all of the comfortable (above 70) days occurred in July, August and September.
If you live in Bend only during those three months, Bend isn't bad. The rest of the time ... well, I just have to say it ...
Bend Sux.
To recap:
Totals for Year:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189
That's a pretty damn dismal performance, especially considering that practically all of the comfortable (above 70) days occurred in July, August and September.
If you live in Bend only during those three months, Bend isn't bad. The rest of the time ... well, I just have to say it ...
Bend Sux.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
April Temperature Report: The Chill Continues
This spring in Bend has been a hell of a lot sunnier and milder than last year's La Nina-afflicted spring, but we're still not likely to challenge Palm Springs.
According to the records of The Weather Channel, Bend logged six comfortable days (high above 70) in April, 10 tolerable days (above 60) and 14 cold days. All but one of those above-70 days occurred during one freakishly warm (for Bend) stretch from April 20 through 24, on two days of which the thermometer even climbed into the 80s.
So far in May Bend has recorded eight 70-plus days, but the weather has reverted to its gray and chilly "spring" norm. So unless things warm up in a hurry -- which, according to the forecast, is not likely -- we probably won't surpass 120 comfortable days on the year.
April Totals:
Comfortable Days: 5
Tolerable Days: 10
Cold Days: 15
YTD Totals:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189
According to the records of The Weather Channel, Bend logged six comfortable days (high above 70) in April, 10 tolerable days (above 60) and 14 cold days. All but one of those above-70 days occurred during one freakishly warm (for Bend) stretch from April 20 through 24, on two days of which the thermometer even climbed into the 80s.
So far in May Bend has recorded eight 70-plus days, but the weather has reverted to its gray and chilly "spring" norm. So unless things warm up in a hurry -- which, according to the forecast, is not likely -- we probably won't surpass 120 comfortable days on the year.
April Totals:
Comfortable Days: 5
Tolerable Days: 10
Cold Days: 15
YTD Totals:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189
Friday, May 11, 2012
Bend Sudorphobia*
I returned Wednesday evening from a five-day trip to New Orleans, where I had a swell time wandering around, taking photos, visiting museums, eating in fine restaurants, drinking in fine (and not so fine) bars, listening to jazz and soaking up the local color, which was present in abundance.
This was my first visit to the Crescent City, and before I went my friends warned me about the horrible heat and humidity I would encounter. As it turned out, there was nothing at all horrible about the New Orleans weather in early May. In fact I considered it just about perfect -- sunny (except for a couple of thunderstorms that brought torrential, but brief, rain) with highs in the mid-80s. The humidity was noticeable, but not (to me) oppressive. I thought it actually made the air feel pleasantly soft -- unlike Bend's cold and bone-dry air, which rasps at your skin and sinuses like sandpaper.
Did I sweat? Yes, a little. But so what? Sweat is not fatal. It's not even all that uncomfortable, at least to me. You sweat, you take a shower, you're not sweaty anymore. It's no big deal.
But to many people in Bend, sweating is a really big deal. They dread it as much as catching the Ebola virus.
The first day of my stay in New Orleans I posted on Facebook that the weather there was 83 degrees and humid, but that I'd take those conditions any day over 40 degrees and snowing, which was the situation in Bend when we left.
"You'll get over that quickly," one of my Bend friends responded.
"Get over what?" I asked. "Not liking snow and 40 degrees in May? Nope, don't think so."
"Vs. heat, humidity and mosquitoes?" the friend said.
"Yes," I said.
To which I will now add: "Fuck yes."
*A word I made up based on sudor, the Latin noun for sweat.
This was my first visit to the Crescent City, and before I went my friends warned me about the horrible heat and humidity I would encounter. As it turned out, there was nothing at all horrible about the New Orleans weather in early May. In fact I considered it just about perfect -- sunny (except for a couple of thunderstorms that brought torrential, but brief, rain) with highs in the mid-80s. The humidity was noticeable, but not (to me) oppressive. I thought it actually made the air feel pleasantly soft -- unlike Bend's cold and bone-dry air, which rasps at your skin and sinuses like sandpaper.
Did I sweat? Yes, a little. But so what? Sweat is not fatal. It's not even all that uncomfortable, at least to me. You sweat, you take a shower, you're not sweaty anymore. It's no big deal.
But to many people in Bend, sweating is a really big deal. They dread it as much as catching the Ebola virus.
The first day of my stay in New Orleans I posted on Facebook that the weather there was 83 degrees and humid, but that I'd take those conditions any day over 40 degrees and snowing, which was the situation in Bend when we left.
"You'll get over that quickly," one of my Bend friends responded.
"Get over what?" I asked. "Not liking snow and 40 degrees in May? Nope, don't think so."
"Vs. heat, humidity and mosquitoes?" the friend said.
"Yes," I said.
To which I will now add: "Fuck yes."
*A word I made up based on sudor, the Latin noun for sweat.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Everything's Coming Up Rainbows and Unicorns
I'm thinking about asking the city council to pass a resolution making this the official national anthem of Bend. What could more fittingly express the child-like, smiley-face optimism of Bendites, or their penchant for preferring pretty fantasies -- whether they're about the climate or the city's economic prospects -- to unpleasant facts?
(There are many versions of this song on YouTube; I chose this one because of the singularly idiotic expression of the singer. I suspect he needed surgery on his jaw to enable him to open his mouth that way.)
WARNING! Watching the full two minutes of this video may induce suicidal thoughts and/or actions.
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