Friday, February 18, 2011

Bend Slobbery Really Sucks

Have I mentioned that most people in Bend -- the men especially -- are disgusting slobs?

On New Year's Day, my lovely wife and I went out to dinner in a nice restaurant in Bend's Old Mill District. When I say "nice" I'm talking about linen tablecloths and napkins, silverware and entrees starting around $22. Not Le Cirque, but nice.

Most of the guys there, many of whom appeared to be taking their wives or girlfriends out on a date, were wearing the universal male Bend uniform*: jeans (often not too clean), T-shirt with a hoodie (often not too clean either), sneakers and a baseball cap. (The baseball cap, incidentally, is NEVER removed, indoors or out. I think these guys shower with it on.)

A little more than a month later we went to dinner and a jazz performance at The Oxford Suites, which is considered Bend's swankiest hotel. Again, the ubiquitous hoodies, jeans and baseball caps.

Now, I'm not the sort of man you'll see on the cover of GQ or Esquire. I don't insist that guys wear dinner jackets to restaurants. Hell, I don't own a dinner jacket myself. I don't even insist that they wear jackets and ties ... although that sure would be nice.

But for the love of God, people, you don't go out to dinner dressed like you're planning to go fishing or clean out the septic tank. And you most emphatically do not go out to dinner looking like you just DID clean out the septic tank. It is offensive to your fellow diners. At any rate it is offensive to me, and that's what matters.

And one other thing: TAKE OFF THE FUCKING BASEBALL CAP. Thank you very much.

*The Bend female uniform is not much different except for the absence of a baseball cap, sometimes.