Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Well, This Is Rather Embarrassing

I have never claimed to be mathematically competent, so I won't offer any excuses for not realizing that with the end of April, the year's temperature record-keeping has been completed and the YTD totals that I posted are, in fact, the totals for the complete year of May 2011 through April 2012.

To recap:

Totals for Year:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189

That's a pretty damn dismal performance, especially considering that practically all of the comfortable (above 70) days occurred in July, August and September.

If you live in Bend only during those three months, Bend isn't bad. The rest of the time ... well, I just have to say it ...

Bend Sux.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

April Temperature Report: The Chill Continues

This spring in Bend has been a hell of a lot sunnier and milder than last year's La Nina-afflicted spring, but we're still not likely to challenge Palm Springs.

According to the records of The Weather Channel, Bend logged six comfortable days (high above 70) in April, 10 tolerable days (above 60) and 14 cold days. All but one of those above-70 days occurred during one freakishly warm (for Bend) stretch from April 20 through 24, on two days of which the thermometer even climbed into the 80s.

So far in May Bend has recorded eight 70-plus days, but the weather has reverted to its gray and chilly "spring" norm. So unless things warm up in a hurry -- which, according to the forecast, is not likely -- we probably won't surpass 120 comfortable days on the year.

April Totals:
Comfortable Days: 5
Tolerable Days: 10
Cold Days: 15

YTD Totals:
Comfortable Days: 103
Tolerable Days: 73
Cold Days: 189

Friday, May 11, 2012

Bend Sudorphobia*

I returned Wednesday evening from a five-day trip to New Orleans, where I had a swell time wandering around, taking photos, visiting museums, eating in fine restaurants, drinking in fine (and not so fine) bars, listening to jazz and soaking up the local color, which was present in abundance.

This was my first visit to the Crescent City, and before I went my friends warned me about the horrible heat and humidity I would encounter. As it turned out, there was nothing at all horrible about the New Orleans weather in early May. In fact I considered it just about perfect -- sunny (except for a couple of thunderstorms that brought torrential, but brief, rain) with highs in the mid-80s. The humidity was noticeable, but not (to me) oppressive. I thought it actually made the air feel pleasantly soft -- unlike Bend's cold and bone-dry air, which rasps at your skin and sinuses like sandpaper.

Did I sweat? Yes, a little. But so what? Sweat is not fatal. It's not even all that uncomfortable, at least to me. You sweat, you take a shower, you're not sweaty anymore. It's no big deal.

But to many people in Bend, sweating is a really big deal. They dread it as much as catching the Ebola virus.

The first day of my stay in New Orleans I posted on Facebook that the weather there was 83 degrees and humid, but that I'd take those conditions any day over 40 degrees and snowing, which was the situation in Bend when we left.

"You'll get over that quickly," one of my Bend friends responded.

"Get over what?" I asked. "Not liking snow and 40 degrees in May? Nope, don't think so."

"Vs. heat, humidity and mosquitoes?" the friend said.

"Yes," I said.

To which I will now add: "Fuck yes."

*A word I made up based on sudor, the Latin noun for sweat.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Everything's Coming Up Rainbows and Unicorns

I'm thinking about asking the city council to pass a resolution making this the official national anthem of Bend. What could more fittingly express the child-like, smiley-face optimism of Bendites, or their penchant for preferring pretty fantasies -- whether they're about the climate or the city's economic prospects -- to unpleasant facts?

(There are many versions of this song on YouTube; I chose this one because of the singularly idiotic expression of the singer. I suspect he needed surgery on his jaw to enable him to open his mouth that way.)

WARNING! Watching the full two minutes of this video may induce suicidal thoughts and/or actions.