Friday, February 18, 2011

Bend Slobbery Really Sucks

Have I mentioned that most people in Bend -- the men especially -- are disgusting slobs?

On New Year's Day, my lovely wife and I went out to dinner in a nice restaurant in Bend's Old Mill District. When I say "nice" I'm talking about linen tablecloths and napkins, silverware and entrees starting around $22. Not Le Cirque, but nice.

Most of the guys there, many of whom appeared to be taking their wives or girlfriends out on a date, were wearing the universal male Bend uniform*: jeans (often not too clean), T-shirt with a hoodie (often not too clean either), sneakers and a baseball cap. (The baseball cap, incidentally, is NEVER removed, indoors or out. I think these guys shower with it on.)

A little more than a month later we went to dinner and a jazz performance at The Oxford Suites, which is considered Bend's swankiest hotel. Again, the ubiquitous hoodies, jeans and baseball caps.

Now, I'm not the sort of man you'll see on the cover of GQ or Esquire. I don't insist that guys wear dinner jackets to restaurants. Hell, I don't own a dinner jacket myself. I don't even insist that they wear jackets and ties ... although that sure would be nice.

But for the love of God, people, you don't go out to dinner dressed like you're planning to go fishing or clean out the septic tank. And you most emphatically do not go out to dinner looking like you just DID clean out the septic tank. It is offensive to your fellow diners. At any rate it is offensive to me, and that's what matters.

And one other thing: TAKE OFF THE FUCKING BASEBALL CAP. Thank you very much.

*The Bend female uniform is not much different except for the absence of a baseball cap, sometimes.


Jack Elliott said...

"Dressing up" in San Diego means putting on long pants.

H. Bruce Miller said...

But are they CLEAN pants, at least?

H. Bruce Miller said...

In Hawaii, "dressing up" also means putting on long pants. But these are warm climates we're talking about. A jacket might be uncomfortably warm.

I honestly believe a good portion of the men in Bend simply don't OWN any garments except jeans, T-shirts, hoodies, sneakers and baseball caps. And that's okay. But there's no friggin' excuse for wearing dirty clothes to a restaurant. Or keeping your goddamn baseball cap on at the table.

Anonymous said...


Duly noted. I can't help but feel this is all somehow weather-related as well? Given it may rain, snow, hail ( or a combination of all three at any particular moment... ) how long before we figure, what's the point?

I'm in no way making excuses for slobs, but to a degree I understand.

Here's what 'I' found. More than all the challenges in Life I've had up to this point, the Service, college, career, raising kids, KID'S college.., by far and away the most difficult I've encountered has been being an empty nester. Hands down.

How to make matters WORSE! Dress like a SLOB at all times. This makes you an even EASIER target for a wife that dearly misses having teens to scold, correct and RIDE! By dressing like a slob at all-times, you actually MAKE yourself a volunteer for cleaning out the septic tank!

When your wife sees you keeping your church slacks on 'after' for breakfast, shopping AND/or dining/movie she is a HELL of a lot less likely to derail what she sees as a "good thing" by asking you to roll up your sleeves.

More likely she'll ask you if you can look up the 'number' to that local guy that specializes in turd-removal. Guys, I really AM just trying to help here. There were days when I didn't think ( after 27 years! ) we were going to make it?

There ain't a helluva' lot we can do about the weather. But we CAN change how we carry ourselves and it starts with how we dress. I can't TELL you how much this has improved our situation. In my case, I was sick & tired of wearing a pressed shirt and tie all week and looked forward to wearing jeans on the weekend!

But that isn't helping 'her' ( because she never got to SEE me wearing them!? ) Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you grew up in a time when people got thrown in gaol for daring to leave the house without a snotrag in their breast pocket. Those of us born a wee bit later don't care much what the old people mutter and grumble. I like being comfortable - jacket and tie? Hell, I don't wear them to meet with people I work for - so I sure as hell ain't wearing them to dinner. Other than this minor point, I enjoy your blog - and Bend does suck.

H. Bruce Miller said...

"There ain't a helluva' lot we can do about the weather. But we CAN change how we carry ourselves and it starts with how we dress."

Agreed. I believe that habitually looking like a slob shows a lack of self-respect as well as lack of respect for the people you come in contact with. To be fair, the trend toward the all-slob-all-the-time look isn't just a Bend thing -- it's an American thing.

H. Bruce Miller said...

Anon: As I said pretty clearly, I'm not insisting on jackets and ties for men. I don't wear a jacket and tie most of the time myself when I go out to dinner in Bend. But fer crap's sake, is it so hard to put on clean pants and a clean shirt, and maybe a nice sweater? Would that be too "uncomfortable" to bear?

I don't think this "casual dress" thing is mostly about being "comfortable." I think it's mostly about being a slob who's too lazy to change clothes.