Even here amidst the suckitude of Bend, Oregon, the weather gods throw us a consolatory bone once in a while.
They did it today, serving up a perfect gem of an Indian summer day: virtually cloudless, light breeze, temperatures in the mid- to upper 70s. Try as I might (and believe me, I did try) I could not think of a single sucky attribute. Therefore ...
Daily Suck Index for Friday, Oct. 16, 2009: 0
But don't worry -- less than two weeks ago we had seven inches of snow on the ground, and we'll be back into the suckiness before long.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Only a Mildly Sucky Winter Ahead?
Source blogger Bob Woodward, who's been in Oregon forever (I think he came with the Lewis & Clark expedition), writes that our remarkably sucky weather in October -- we had seven inches of snow on Oct. 4, and a couple of days ago the temperature was in the 30s with sleet and freezing rain -- presages a mild winter.
"It's my humble opinion that we'll have a mild winter," he writes. "This is based on my thirty-two years in Central Oregon. During that period, every time we've had lousy weather in October the ensuing winter months were mild. ... I'm betting on a mild winter which will be a comfort to those who moved here recently expecting Bend to have mild temperate (read no snow) winters and those fabled '300 days of sunshine a year.'"
Well, the "300 days of sunshine a year" line is bullshit, as anybody with an IQ higher than his shoe size should know. And what makes Bend winters truly sucktacular is not that they're extremely cold and snowy (they're not, usually) but that they're gray, dreary and dismal -- and they go on FOREVER.
Speaking of gray, dreary and dismal, we had a pretty gray and dreary day in Bend today -- no rain, but less sunshine than yesterday and temperatures in the mid-50s.
Daily Suck Index for Thursday, Oct. 15, 2009: 5
"It's my humble opinion that we'll have a mild winter," he writes. "This is based on my thirty-two years in Central Oregon. During that period, every time we've had lousy weather in October the ensuing winter months were mild. ... I'm betting on a mild winter which will be a comfort to those who moved here recently expecting Bend to have mild temperate (read no snow) winters and those fabled '300 days of sunshine a year.'"
Well, the "300 days of sunshine a year" line is bullshit, as anybody with an IQ higher than his shoe size should know. And what makes Bend winters truly sucktacular is not that they're extremely cold and snowy (they're not, usually) but that they're gray, dreary and dismal -- and they go on FOREVER.
Speaking of gray, dreary and dismal, we had a pretty gray and dreary day in Bend today -- no rain, but less sunshine than yesterday and temperatures in the mid-50s.
Daily Suck Index for Thursday, Oct. 15, 2009: 5
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A Semi-Sucky, Portland Sort of Day
Today was a Portland sort of day in Bend -- temperatures in the mid-50s, broken cloud cover, rain showers of varying intensity interspersed with dry periods and even some sunbreaks.
For the benefit of non-Oregonians, a "sunbreak" is when the clouds part and the sun peeks through momentarily. Oregonians, especially Portlanders, get orgasmic over "sunbreaks" -- presumably because seeing even a little bit of sunshine is such a rare treat for them.
All in all, a much less sucky day than yesterday, which felt more like mid-winter than fall. Mid-50s and rain is a lot easier to take than low 30s and sleet.
Daily Suck Index for Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2009: 5
For the benefit of non-Oregonians, a "sunbreak" is when the clouds part and the sun peeks through momentarily. Oregonians, especially Portlanders, get orgasmic over "sunbreaks" -- presumably because seeing even a little bit of sunshine is such a rare treat for them.
All in all, a much less sucky day than yesterday, which felt more like mid-winter than fall. Mid-50s and rain is a lot easier to take than low 30s and sleet.
Daily Suck Index for Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2009: 5
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Introducing the Daily Suck Index
Today Bend Sux is proud to introduce a new feature: The Daily Suck Index.
The index will rate each day on the basis of its suck factor on a scale of 0 (no suckiness) to 10 (extreme suckiness). Suckiness will be determined by various factors including temperature, precipitation (if any), persistence of precipitation, nature of precipitation (rain? snow? sleet? hail? all four?) and amount of sunshine (if any).
At the end of each month a Monthly Suck Index will be compiled and posted based on the average of the Daily Suck Indexes, and at the end of a year the Grand Annual Suck Index will be announced, based on the average of all the Monthly Suck Indexes.
On days when Blackdog is not present in Bend to observe conditions personally, the Daily Suck Index will be compiled on the basis of official National Weather Service data.
So without further palaver, let's get down to it.
Today's conditions: Temperatures in the 20s to low 30s, heavy overcast with sleet and freezing rain.
Today's Daily Suck Index: 7
The index will rate each day on the basis of its suck factor on a scale of 0 (no suckiness) to 10 (extreme suckiness). Suckiness will be determined by various factors including temperature, precipitation (if any), persistence of precipitation, nature of precipitation (rain? snow? sleet? hail? all four?) and amount of sunshine (if any).
At the end of each month a Monthly Suck Index will be compiled and posted based on the average of the Daily Suck Indexes, and at the end of a year the Grand Annual Suck Index will be announced, based on the average of all the Monthly Suck Indexes.
On days when Blackdog is not present in Bend to observe conditions personally, the Daily Suck Index will be compiled on the basis of official National Weather Service data.
So without further palaver, let's get down to it.
Today's conditions: Temperatures in the 20s to low 30s, heavy overcast with sleet and freezing rain.
Today's Daily Suck Index: 7
Monday, October 12, 2009
Mostly Sucky, With a Chance of Increasing Suckiness
One thing I've noticed about the little weather blurb that appears at the top right-hand corner of the front page of our local daily rag is that it never quite tells the full, sucky weather story.
For example, a day that's going to be in the 20s with the wind blowing 50 miles per hour will be described as "cool and breezy."
Or a day of almost continuous rain will be listed as having a "chance of showers."
A mostly cloudy day becomes "partly sunny." A completely cloudy day is "partly cloudy." And so on.
Once -- just once -- I'd like to see the weather blurb say something like: "Sucky today, sucky tomorrow, sucky all week, and sucky every damn day until the middle of June. That's what you get for moving to Bend, suckers."
For example, a day that's going to be in the 20s with the wind blowing 50 miles per hour will be described as "cool and breezy."
Or a day of almost continuous rain will be listed as having a "chance of showers."
A mostly cloudy day becomes "partly sunny." A completely cloudy day is "partly cloudy." And so on.
Once -- just once -- I'd like to see the weather blurb say something like: "Sucky today, sucky tomorrow, sucky all week, and sucky every damn day until the middle of June. That's what you get for moving to Bend, suckers."
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sucky Season Arrives Early
September is barely over, but Bend already has given us a taste of the spectacular suckiness to come: Four to seven inches of snow dumped on our little "paradise" yesterday, knocking branches off trees that haven't lost their leaves (or in many cases even turned color) yet, knocking out power to 8,500 homes and pretty much killing the second day of the Bend "Fall Festival" (not that the first day's weather was that much better).
Of course, as they always do, the people I call Bend "lifers" -- born here, never left here, will die here -- were insisting they enjoyed the wintry suckiness. Bend lifers are the queens and kings of denial; they will always claim that they had a good time no matter how sucky the situation. (I've even heard them claim to enjoy cutting and splitting firewood.) Put a Bend lifer in a Nazi concentration camp for six months, ask him later what it was like and he'll say something like: "It was FUN! I made a lot of new friends, met a lot of really unusual, interesting people -- that Dr. Mengele is a fascinating character -- and I lost 55 pounds!"
OTOH there's my brother-in-bloggery, Jack Elliot, who moved here from Southern California about a year ago and still maintains he likes our climate. He's in denial, I think. But he seems like a smart guy and I bet he'll wise up eventually.
But enough carping about the weather. There are so many other sucky things about Bend -- our corrupt real estate industry, for instance -- that I've decided I should devote more attention to them as well. So starting with the next post, I will.
Later.
Of course, as they always do, the people I call Bend "lifers" -- born here, never left here, will die here -- were insisting they enjoyed the wintry suckiness. Bend lifers are the queens and kings of denial; they will always claim that they had a good time no matter how sucky the situation. (I've even heard them claim to enjoy cutting and splitting firewood.) Put a Bend lifer in a Nazi concentration camp for six months, ask him later what it was like and he'll say something like: "It was FUN! I made a lot of new friends, met a lot of really unusual, interesting people -- that Dr. Mengele is a fascinating character -- and I lost 55 pounds!"
OTOH there's my brother-in-bloggery, Jack Elliot, who moved here from Southern California about a year ago and still maintains he likes our climate. He's in denial, I think. But he seems like a smart guy and I bet he'll wise up eventually.
But enough carping about the weather. There are so many other sucky things about Bend -- our corrupt real estate industry, for instance -- that I've decided I should devote more attention to them as well. So starting with the next post, I will.
Later.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Still Waiting for Spring
Well, wasn't the first half of June simply spectacularly sucky? At least the cold has moderated somewhat; temperatures are now soaring into the 60s on some days. Damn, break out the shorts and flip-flops!
Speaking of suckiness, they've cancelled the Bend Brew Fest this year because the OLCC was riding their ass -- some bullsnot about not being able to "monitor" the event adequately. Now how sucky is THAT??? One of the precious FEW things that doesn't suck about Bend, and now they've taken that away from us.
Speaking of suckiness, they've cancelled the Bend Brew Fest this year because the OLCC was riding their ass -- some bullsnot about not being able to "monitor" the event adequately. Now how sucky is THAT??? One of the precious FEW things that doesn't suck about Bend, and now they've taken that away from us.
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